I didn't know what a passport was, whether I had one or if I needed one. Then JAR came along. I didn't have one and, yes, I needed one. So I got one. Away I went. Seven months on a ship. I fell even more in love with the sun. I learned to swim a little. I went parasailing 800 ft up in the air. I met some good people. I fell in love with Hawaii. I watched the brightest stars. I saw whales. I saw the most beautiful sunsets. I experienced entire days without natural light. I learned what crew area smells like. I stopped eating sugar. I stayed up all night in order to eat breakfast and waste away a sea day. I learned about sea days. I learned about rule for the sake of rules. I saw slave labour. I learned that I find solace in being in a city where you don't know anyone and nobody knows you. I got a tatoo. I learned that I can do anything. I even worked a little bit.
Then I came home. I was happy to be off the ship and sad to be away from the sun. Sometimes I had to just put my bathing suit on to be happy. So I moved to the beach. I went back to work and met some good friends. I learned to speak up. I went to Rome. I went to London. I wondered why I came home for Xmas. I worked on the funnest show ever. I wore my wings. I had my own fashion show. I went a little bit nuts. I went to San Fran. I went to Alaska . I lost some friends. I went a little bit more nuts. And when the show was over, I went and did it again. This time not so nuts. I learned not to trust coke addicts. Or let people do Crystal Meth in your apartment. No matter what they say.
I fell in love. I packed up my apartment and put it in storage. I went to South America for 3 months. I learned a little bit of Spanish. I learned that 2 people could be in each others' presence 24/7 for three months and not get into a fight. I learned 19 year old american kids shouldn't drink. I saw Macchu Pichu. I went to the Amazon. I took a 36 hour bus ride. I learned the useful skill of dehydrating oneself while travelling. I experienced elevation sickness.
I came home.
I went to Venice to work on a ship. I learned how to use an Italian phone card. I took lots of pictures. I played hooky. I threatened to quit for a raise. I went to South Hampton. I walked off the ship. I dodged a million bullets. I went to London. I wanted to stay, but booked a plane ticket out of fear. I had a song written about me. I cried.
I came home and went back to work. I started yoga again. I met some really good friends. I made an offer for an apartment while standing in the middle of a river wearing hipwaiters. Stumbling through it. I forgot how to speak up, without even knowing it. My Dad got sick. I spent time with my Dad that I'll never get to experience again. I renovated, painted, designed. I said "I love you." and hugged him a lot. I learned. I bashed tiles. I was a fireman. I got SAD. I stayed home and didn't leave the country. I moved into my home. I watched the election and cried a little bit. I went back to work, and worked on a series with no assholes. I made some good friends. I went to Winnipeg. i was selfless, but blind to selfishness. I did two jobs at once. I saved and saved for a trip that didn't happen. I sacrificed everything without knowing it. I learned who my friends are. I got my heart broken. I quit my job. I died. I wasted two years of my life; even though it wasn't a waste, because I'm living aren't I? I wasted 3 months after that. I regretted. I forgot about myself. I got dropped onto the Earth and saw only fuzziness. I hated. I lost 15lbs. I worked in -20 C weather in the middle of the night, with snow. I drove on skating rinks. I knitted. I wore lots of layers. I laughed. I went to Whistler. I met Blotto. I cross-country skiied. I remembered that music saves me. And so does energy. I went back to yoga. I saw my Dad for the last time without knowing it at the time.
I went to Costa Rica. I remembered a good friend. I was the stars. I felt the air. I saw Chiquita banana groves. I got to the hotel. I spoke to my Dad for the last time. I turned around and drove back. I stayed up for 36 hours. I lost my Dad. I cried a lot. I was alone. I did not find solace in a box of See's chocolate. I stayed in my childhood home for a month.
Then I stood in line for 5 hours to get my new passport.